major_kerina ([info]major_kerina) wrote,
2005-07-20 02:39:00
  • Mood: saddened

*sighs*

I'm so pathetic. I'm a 23-year-old girl and all I've known is school, I haven't worked a day in my life (didn't help that my most painful recurring personal nightmare of someone laughing at me for being a failure [in this case, never having had a job in my life] happened...in a way. I know I shouldn't dwell on it. They needed a laugh and stuff. I have things I feel guilty about so...whatever...it's probably right they laughed). Also I love people and yet I'm sometimes afraid of people. What I do love though is my time on the internet. I love Akemi, I love Ducky, I love my sisters and friends. I love my daughters all of them. And they are my life. Things I've done have just felt so useless or hurtful lately. My English degree which seems to be of no use to me because of the classes I didn't take. I feel so useless too. People can laugh at me, I don't care...like in my dream...where I'm at a bookstore. My most protected place and all the people I know are there and they laugh at me as a failure, that I'm dumb, I can't do anything. I've probably done something deserving of it. That's it. I just feel so exhausted. I want to cry but I feel stuck. I don't want to say more but I deserve to be laughed at so I'm not upset. I just feel so utterly broken. I was chipped away the whole week. And this was the cracking blow. I'm finished. All that's left is to curl up and try to forget. Maybe I'll cry and feel some release....*sighs* Sometimes I wonder if I'm the worst person on Earth....

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  • 12 comments

[info]llieno

July 20 2005, 12:38:12 UTC 6 years ago

*hugs tightly*

I wish I were able to hug you in real life, or help you some other way, because you are such a kind, sweet, loving person...

[info]eirienlisandrie

July 20 2005, 13:29:28 UTC 6 years ago

Whoa whoa whoa... No reson to beat yourself up for it ^^ We still love you ^^

[info]dexieoblivion

July 20 2005, 13:57:12 UTC 6 years ago

*hugs tightly*

Deleted comment

Anonymous

July 20 2005, 23:19:55 UTC 6 years ago

Sometimes, I just don't know what to say.

(This is andrea, posting from an internet cafe)

[info]adam_of_helel

July 20 2005, 18:42:33 UTC 6 years ago

Kerina, we all love you, so there's no need to bash on yourself like this.

Questioning yourself is alright, but you don't need to bash yourself over never having a job, or things like that. We have our moments to complete necessary tasks, and I'm sure that time is coming for you. All you need to do is go on, and go with the flow, and you'll be fine!

Also, you don't need to worry about the opinions of others, because it's not their opinion that truly counts, but the one of yourself! It's self confidence, and with it, you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to, whether it be becoming a teacher, a lawyer, an engineer, a doctor, etc.

And until I've seen you commit mass genocide, you'll never be the worst person on Earth Kerina... you're too kind for that.

So keep in heart that goodness, and move on through life with purpose. Purpose that you can only determine! ^_^

[info]hikarioblivion

July 20 2005, 19:56:17 UTC 6 years ago

Kerina... my Arivida, i've said it before... you are an amazing, amazing person...

and worst person on earth? no way... far closer to the 'best' side

*hugs tightly*


[info]james_takineth

July 20 2005, 20:35:59 UTC 6 years ago

I dont have anything special to post up here, so ill tell you here, I think your an amazing person and sweet, funny, and wise.. im happy to have met you, I love you and I dont think your anywhere close to bad.. not at all *hugs you tightly*

[info]musaluc

July 21 2005, 02:47:36 UTC 6 years ago

You're not a failure.. *Hugs* We all know it, and you know it deep down. You're always such a big help to people. Feel better, ne? *Wraps in fluff*

[info]major_kerina

July 21 2005, 06:21:44 UTC 6 years ago

Thanks Everyone

^^ *bows*

[info]angeliccelestia

July 24 2005, 07:21:33 UTC 6 years ago

*huggle snuggles for the Kerina*
You're definetely the bestest, dear arivida. You managed to even cheer me up when I need it. And I feel at peace when talking to you.
Should you ever need anyone to talk to about things, feel free to come to me. <3

[info]unisagi

July 24 2005, 10:35:30 UTC 6 years ago

You are one of the sweetest people I know, and I am not saying that just because you are my Arivida. If you need to talk to me when I am at my compy and on-line, please do. I will gladly lend a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on.

*hugs her Mommy tightly*
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